Entry 5: Make It Relative

I hashed out the basics of the storyline a few days ago in 4 acts.  I'm thinking that this quest, complete with combat, will probably end up being about 30 mins. playable.  As I was brainstorming I kept trying to find a way to actually make the mage's disease relative to the player.  To just throw them into the world and task them with "saving the day" is poor writing.  Why should they care if other people have this disease?  And I didn't want the player themselves to have the disease, because it's too easy to build sympathy for one's own self.  I'd prefer to challenge myself and my writing by getting the player to sympathize with another character enough to care about saving them.  So here it is.  Keep in mind, it's rough around the edges, so please feel free to leave comments on ways to improve it!

ACT I – The Conflict – Town Nestled in Valley

            The player (a mage) wakes up to his wife (a mage) screaming.  She is beside herself, sobbing and holding her hands out.  She seems to be examining them but is horrified by what she sees, or rather, what she does not see.  The player asks her what is wrong.  She says she does not see her magic anymore.  She cannot cast and does not know why.  The player tells her not to venture outside of the house; the world is dangerous to a mage without her powers, and she could be easily overtaken if attacked.  He assures her that he will find the reason and the cure for this mysterious malady.  She thanks him and tells him to be careful.

ACT II – The Search – Town Nestled in Valley/ Mage’s Castle on Mountain

            The player goes through a series of sub-quests/NPCs in an effort to find the cause and cure for his wife’s deficiency.  He finds out, through a network of people, that the only person with the knowledge to help him is the medicinal mage that lives in the region.  The mage lives up the mountain and the player must fight his way up there.  Once he reaches the medicinal mage, he discovers that his wife has contracted a disease.  The medicinal mage tells him that this disease can only be contracted sexually.  If affects the entire human species, but targets only mages.  Humans who are non-magic users can get the disease but are not negatively affected by it.  He warns the player that he, too, may be infected if his wife has it.  He tells the player that he can make a cure for his wife, but that it will take some time.  In the meantime, the player returns to town…

ACT III – The Confrontation

            The player returns to town to talk to his wife about his discovery.  She denies any wrongdoing and begs her husband to take pity on her.  The player begins to suspect his wife’s good friend and study partner from mage college (he’s actually intro’d in ACT II).  He goes to talk to the man and threatens an answer out of him.  They were having an affair, and she must have contracted the disease from him because he had it also.  He has already taken the cure, and tries to stop the player from returning to his wife for fear that he will kill her.  A fight ensues.  The player wins and returns to his wife.

ACT IV – An Issue Resolved

            At this point the player has an “ultimatum” conversation with his wife.  He tells her he has killed her friend and lover.  Here, the player can either choose to kill his wife/ forgive her and give her the cure/forgive her and not give her the cure.

I've already sent this to Harald to look over, and he gave me some really stellar ideas on how to improve:

1. Preface the opening scene with some sort of indicator as to the husband (player) and wife's relationship.  Establish the love and up the stakes.

2. Create an uneasy truce between the mages and non-mages that live in the town.  This will emphasize the danger to the wife even more.  Why would she venture out of the house, powerless, when there are those with violent prejudices against her?

3. In Act II, set up false leads for the player.  (Whether I will do this depends on scope and time.  I do want to include things like this, but I don't know if I'll have time to implement it before the next 7 weeks is over.)

4. Make the medicinal mage the bad guy that the wife is having an affair with.  He'd have a solid reason to keep the disease from being known as an STD. When the player discovers the truth, the epic showdown with this recurring thought-to-be-good character will be pretty intense. (This is totally happening).

5. What if the medic mage, just before he is confronted by the hero, had sent someone into town to tell everyone about the Hero's wife? After he is slain, the epic final battle can be between the Hero and the entire village's human population. Or he can let them kill her. Or he can kill everyone and his wife.

Anyone else have any thoughts?